Review: Zombie! Haunted Mansion: Memoir of Jesse Jamieson by Zombie Origin Media

Zombie! Haunted Mansion: Memoir of Jesse Jamieson

by 

Zombie Origin Media

Stranded in the middle of nowhere, an unlikely group of high school friends embark on a series of adventures and mishaps to survive a remote zombie outbreak. With bloodthirsty ghouls trailing close behind, Jesse and his friends stumble upon an eerie mansion offering refuge from the zombie infested woods. But the residents of Krakuz Manor may be hiding a sinister secret more dangerous than the undead threat outside, or they might just be complete lunatics. Either way, Jesse and his friends must prepare for the impending zombie horde if they hope to survive their trip to hell. With no communication to the outside world for help, can a mismatched group of teenagers defend Krakus Manor against the undead, or will they fall victim to a living dead nightmare?

My Take:

Jesse's Prom date could not have gone worse. Literally. The girl of his dreams, Chloe, was asked to the prom by his best friend Bud, because he'd waited until the last possible second to ask her, for, you know, suspense. With poster and flowers in hand he ends up trapped asking the captain of the cheer squad to the prom. Someone who could not be less compatible. Then they all packed into Bud's truck with his friend Emu and his date Lexi, to head to Crystal Lake... er, Clearlake. Cheerleaders and Football jocks with the school nerd, all headed to a lake getaway after the prom. What could go wrong? Vhen you Vander in the Voods...

Jesse's date Becky manages to wreck the truck trying to play her vampire tunes, and they quickly run afoul of Zombies wandering in the woods too. They manage to find refuge from the rapidly growing crowd of zombies, in a mysterious old mansion hidden in the darkest part of the forest. But will the creepy inmates in the haunted mansion be any safer than the zombies milling around outside?.

Content:

Drug Content:

PG - There are a few references to crack. High school kids run off to the lake with a case of vodka. But it doesn't end up getting drunk, but being used for weapons.

Violence:

R - Oh wow. Head shots, eye-socket impalings, rampant wanton gunning down of poor defenseless zombies. Slaughtering them with bayonets and butter knives. There seems to be an endless supply of zombies to kill, and an endless supply of weapons to kill them with, from Russian Assault rifles and cannons filled with grapeshot to buckets of poo. One friend ends up with his hands cut off and other unfortunate things happening to him, from one mutilation to the next. Many of these are described in significant detail.

Language:

PG - There are a few cuss words, nothing serious. God's name is taken in vain um... many times, especially if you count the preponderance of 'oh my god' references throughout.

Adult Content:

PG-13 - There's actually not a bit of sexual content in this book, just a few kisses, no petting. But there are many titillating innuendos and a man's 'parts' are kept in a jar on the mantle, with a discussion about why they are there and not on, ahem, him.

Christian content:

Hmmm. One character refers repeatedly to Black Jesus. Several times the characters pray, as their situation gets more and more serious. One might consider that friendship plays a large part of this hilarious romp, but when the chips are down it seems to practically be every couple for themselves. A few times there is self-sacrifice, but if you enter this book for a moral lesson you likely won't get one, that's obviously not its purpose. There's about ten times people thank God for escaping, or some other minor miracle. One chapter references a priest with a taste for boys.

Final analysis:

I gotta admit, I started this book with some high hopes. The basic plot has been overused, one of high school prom kids out to get slaughtered by some Freddy Kreuger or Jason Voorhees. But these often are not laced in wit and humor, so I figured I was in for a treat.

The book is entirely written from Jesse's point of view, and the only content is conversation, onomatopoeia, and internal monologue in the main character's head. While this deep dive into first-person perspective is interesting in a short work, and can quickly put you into the quirky brain of an adolescent male, it becomes extremely frustrating trying to figure out what is going on without any description of action or surroundings. And repetitive uses of the Whack and Bang, Snap and Crackle, and pop, pop, pop, pop... you get the idea. It grew on me... like a rash where you couldn't reach.

So, here's my final word on it - this is a hilarious romp, a somewhat light-hearted if graphically gory humorous story; the characters are interesting and somewhat believable, the plot is sound, the action fast paced and the dialogue entertaining, the slapstick humor hilarious and the interactions interesting. However, the world-building was completely absent, the action confusing, the onomatopoeia extremely wearing and the pacing just dragged in the middle, and raced at the end. I found the gore to be a bit over the top, and would place the book based on that and the innuendos securely into the YA category. I'd like to give this Three and a Half Stars, but my scoring system is in whole numbers, so I'll round up. Four Stars.

About the Author:

Zombies! Looking for a zombie story with zombies and humor? Check out Zombie! Haunted Mansion and Zombie! Origins. Brought to you by Zombie Origin Media, a joint authorship of three idiot siblings writing complete and udder nonsense.

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Review: Sweet-pea's Thief by J. Cassidy

Sweet-pea's Thief

by 

J. Cassidy

“If you can pay, I can get you your body back.”

Her body stolen, her soul pushed into a world of magic and monsters, Sweet-pea's best chance of survival is to stick with Alan and his promise of protection.
Hounded by the threat of bounty hunters, wanted by the mysterious Tin Master and chased by monsters attracted to her, getting home soon takes second place to staying alive.

My Take:

Gambling for dollars is one thing. But gambling for days is something else. Charlie is dying of cancer. He only has months to live. But he hears of a raven-haired girl that will play poker with you, gambling for your remaining time. If you win, you leave with more time. If you lose, you... lose time. With little to lose, he plays poker with Sweet-pea, who relates during the game the incredible tale of why she is gambling Years of Life with the dying.

With her body stolen by a monster, and her soul pushed into another parallel realm with monsters and magic, Sweet-pea's survival depends on the protection of others stuck in this horrific realm with her. Hunted by bounty hunters, monsters and the mysterious Tin Master,  Sweet-pea finds that while attempting to regain her life, she may lose her soul.

Content:

Drug Content:

PG - Sweet-pea is given a bottle of pills to help her cope with the shock of losing her body, pills she quickly becomes addicted to.

Violence:

R - There's a good deal of violence and death, blood and gore. A torture chamber provides a horrific gory backdrop for one of the scenes. A hand is cut off, a throat is slit.

Language:

PG - There are a few cuss words, nothing serious.

Adult Content:

G - there's really no sexual content, though some obviously happened once off-screen.

Christian content:

Nada. There are some concerning concepts in this work, mainly that souls aren't eternal and can be used for food, that Time can be gambled away, or gained through a game of chance. There are some references to an afterlife. Heaven and Hell are referred to as real places, in other dimensions, but monsters can capture your soul during the 'tunnel experience' while heading to the bright light at the end of the tunnel. Loyalty, self-sacrifice, destiny and friendship play large parts in this tale. There is a definite struggle between good and evil here, but the lines are grayed.

Final analysis:

This book has an incredible concept - that between life and death there is a dimension the soul must travel through, and those souls can be stolen. That the body can be stolen, and the soul released to wander rather than move on to heaven or hell. The plot behind this story is gripping, the world-building phenomenal, and the action fast and furious. New life, Old life, are gathered like glowing marbles. Strange creatures like Griwald and Deadly Mimics threaten constantly, along with Tin Men and other horrific creatures. Magic amulets and spells are formulated and used to gain access to further dimensions, while time passes at alarming rates. Characters are often larger than life. However, the pacing dragged for me. It seemed to take an eternity for me to plow through some sections, while other sections moved so quickly I had to reread to catch important details. So, a great read, but some pacing issues. Four Stars!

About the Author:
J. Cassidy's website reads,

I’m J. Cassidy and I used to be an oak tree growing in a park in England. I still like to be decorated once a year.

Pink, sparkly fluffles and rainbows make everything better.

Her website is https://6twistedbiscuits.wordpress.com/j-cassidy/

She can be followed on Twitter: https://twitter.com/6twistedbiscuit

Review: Lost Hunters, Second Edition by Deanne Devine

Lost Hunters, Second Edition

by Deanne Devine

"Amberly County would be a great place to live if it weren't for this stupid curse."

Jake Nichols, televised interview, "Peculiar People and Places." WYOY TV, May 28, 1979.

The tale of John Barker's Hunt has been handed down for generations in Amberly County. Stories about the Hunt are mostly told around campfires, but there are some who claim it to be true. According to the old timers, the county is cursed, and once every generation the ghost of John Barker returns to hunt down the person who killed him. Oddly enough, roughly every 20 years the county does suffer a cluster of bizarre deaths. 

Nineteen years have passed since the last Hunt, but the citizens of the quiet town of Miltonville are too absorbed in their own problems to take notice. Cindy Swift is preoccupied with her upcoming suicide; Troy Ivers is worrying about the midnight ceremony he plans to hold in a rural cemetery; and Leslie Vickers is very concerned that the mannequin down the hall wants to kill her. 

Ed Philips is the one person in Amberly County who is aware that trouble is about to arrive. It approaches in the form of a phantom, walking in the body of a dead man. Ed knows the real story behind the legend of the Hunt, but has spent most of his life denying the truth. Now, with the fate of a young woman in his hands, he must decide whether to continue feeding his demons of cowardice and regret, or face them head on, and attempt to put an end to John Barker's Hunt. 

My Take:

Every 20 years or so, Amberly County experienced a brief and puzzling string of deaths, linked, at least in some people's minds, to the massacre of John Barker and his bizarre commune over 200 years ago. Legend has it that Barker returns every 20 years to hunt down and kill the descendants of his old rival, Lucas Vanderkellen. 

Only Ed Phillips knows the truth, a truth he has been denying his entire life, a truth involving Leslie, daughter of his best friend, who was brutally murdered in the last hunt. Entrusted with the only means to end the deadly killing sprees carried on by the tormented angry spirit of John Barker, Ed must confront his own inner demons and defeat John Barker once and for all, before Barker regains his life and releases a horde of demons on an unsuspecting world.

Content:

Drug Content:

R - There is a tremendous amount of underage drinking and drinking to excess by most of the cast. It would almost appear to be the norm in this county. Marijuana is almost as common as the alcohol, harder drugs also make their appearance, and a stolen drug shipment plays a pivotal part in backstory. 

Violence:

R - The ghosts possess individuals, who end up dying during possession. The ghosts continue to animate the dead until they are unable to move. Most of the deaths do not involve blood, and appear to be brain aneurysms. One character's neck is snapped, several are shot, but most just... die.

Language:

G - While some of the things said seem pretty violent, curse words are almost completely absent.

Adult Content:

PG-13 - A drug scene involves a man coming home to his naked girlfriend and her naked friend. Several couples pair off for a tryst, but their antics don't appear on screen. Several affairs are discussed, a marriage is dissolved because of infidelity. One minor character is addicted to porn and is heavily harassed by a flock of demons. 

Christian content:

YES. I originally would not have thought so, and much of the book seemed so dark it was irredeemably demonic, several characters overcome the demonic influences by the power of Christ. Demons and angels fight in the spiritual realm, the afterlife is clearly discussed, the existence of God and the power of forgiveness, redemption, and self-sacrifice play central roles. The perils of a life yielded to demonic influence and inebriation show up in stark relief, and satanic rituals, curses, tarot cards show up, but are cast in a negative light.

Final analysis:

Not gonna lie, this is a horror story, and is pretty dark. The people throughout the story are alcoholics, drug addicts, and seem almost hopeless in their meandering through life in this small town. The evil ghosts, the satanic ritual close to the beginning, the depression, almost had me put this one down. But several scenes in the story gave me a glimmer of hope for it, and I kept plowing through to the exciting and glorious end. Glad I kept at it.

While the story was good and the action was gripping, the stakes were very high and the scenery well-developed, I found the characters to be a bit two-dimensional, and the pace a bit slow. I found the second half to be gripping, and hard to put down. The pace was racing at the finish, and the action enthralling, but not enough to give this one more than Four Stars.

About the Author:
Deanne Devine is a native of southwestern Ohio, a region rich in the everyday peculiarities and ordinary oddness that make good food for an overactive imagination. Her short stories and poetry have appeared in several small press magazines, back in the day when such publications actually came from a small press, and the original editions of her novels Lost Hunters and Live Armadillos were published in trade paperback by The Lighthouse Press, Inc. Currently, she is working on the ebook version of Live Armadillos, as well as filling her desk drawers with screenplays and short stories.