Review: Zombie! Haunted Mansion: Memoir of Jesse Jamieson by Zombie Origin Media

Zombie! Haunted Mansion: Memoir of Jesse Jamieson

by 

Zombie Origin Media

Stranded in the middle of nowhere, an unlikely group of high school friends embark on a series of adventures and mishaps to survive a remote zombie outbreak. With bloodthirsty ghouls trailing close behind, Jesse and his friends stumble upon an eerie mansion offering refuge from the zombie infested woods. But the residents of Krakuz Manor may be hiding a sinister secret more dangerous than the undead threat outside, or they might just be complete lunatics. Either way, Jesse and his friends must prepare for the impending zombie horde if they hope to survive their trip to hell. With no communication to the outside world for help, can a mismatched group of teenagers defend Krakus Manor against the undead, or will they fall victim to a living dead nightmare?

My Take:

Jesse's Prom date could not have gone worse. Literally. The girl of his dreams, Chloe, was asked to the prom by his best friend Bud, because he'd waited until the last possible second to ask her, for, you know, suspense. With poster and flowers in hand he ends up trapped asking the captain of the cheer squad to the prom. Someone who could not be less compatible. Then they all packed into Bud's truck with his friend Emu and his date Lexi, to head to Crystal Lake... er, Clearlake. Cheerleaders and Football jocks with the school nerd, all headed to a lake getaway after the prom. What could go wrong? Vhen you Vander in the Voods...

Jesse's date Becky manages to wreck the truck trying to play her vampire tunes, and they quickly run afoul of Zombies wandering in the woods too. They manage to find refuge from the rapidly growing crowd of zombies, in a mysterious old mansion hidden in the darkest part of the forest. But will the creepy inmates in the haunted mansion be any safer than the zombies milling around outside?.

Content:

Drug Content:

PG - There are a few references to crack. High school kids run off to the lake with a case of vodka. But it doesn't end up getting drunk, but being used for weapons.

Violence:

R - Oh wow. Head shots, eye-socket impalings, rampant wanton gunning down of poor defenseless zombies. Slaughtering them with bayonets and butter knives. There seems to be an endless supply of zombies to kill, and an endless supply of weapons to kill them with, from Russian Assault rifles and cannons filled with grapeshot to buckets of poo. One friend ends up with his hands cut off and other unfortunate things happening to him, from one mutilation to the next. Many of these are described in significant detail.

Language:

PG - There are a few cuss words, nothing serious. God's name is taken in vain um... many times, especially if you count the preponderance of 'oh my god' references throughout.

Adult Content:

PG-13 - There's actually not a bit of sexual content in this book, just a few kisses, no petting. But there are many titillating innuendos and a man's 'parts' are kept in a jar on the mantle, with a discussion about why they are there and not on, ahem, him.

Christian content:

Hmmm. One character refers repeatedly to Black Jesus. Several times the characters pray, as their situation gets more and more serious. One might consider that friendship plays a large part of this hilarious romp, but when the chips are down it seems to practically be every couple for themselves. A few times there is self-sacrifice, but if you enter this book for a moral lesson you likely won't get one, that's obviously not its purpose. There's about ten times people thank God for escaping, or some other minor miracle. One chapter references a priest with a taste for boys.

Final analysis:

I gotta admit, I started this book with some high hopes. The basic plot has been overused, one of high school prom kids out to get slaughtered by some Freddy Kreuger or Jason Voorhees. But these often are not laced in wit and humor, so I figured I was in for a treat.

The book is entirely written from Jesse's point of view, and the only content is conversation, onomatopoeia, and internal monologue in the main character's head. While this deep dive into first-person perspective is interesting in a short work, and can quickly put you into the quirky brain of an adolescent male, it becomes extremely frustrating trying to figure out what is going on without any description of action or surroundings. And repetitive uses of the Whack and Bang, Snap and Crackle, and pop, pop, pop, pop... you get the idea. It grew on me... like a rash where you couldn't reach.

So, here's my final word on it - this is a hilarious romp, a somewhat light-hearted if graphically gory humorous story; the characters are interesting and somewhat believable, the plot is sound, the action fast paced and the dialogue entertaining, the slapstick humor hilarious and the interactions interesting. However, the world-building was completely absent, the action confusing, the onomatopoeia extremely wearing and the pacing just dragged in the middle, and raced at the end. I found the gore to be a bit over the top, and would place the book based on that and the innuendos securely into the YA category. I'd like to give this Three and a Half Stars, but my scoring system is in whole numbers, so I'll round up. Four Stars.

About the Author:

Zombies! Looking for a zombie story with zombies and humor? Check out Zombie! Haunted Mansion and Zombie! Origins. Brought to you by Zombie Origin Media, a joint authorship of three idiot siblings writing complete and udder nonsense.

Follow Zombie Origin Media on:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ZomOriginMedia
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zombieoriginmedia/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Zombie-Origin-Media-1720801831583328/

Review: Sweet-pea's Thief by J. Cassidy

Sweet-pea's Thief

by 

J. Cassidy

“If you can pay, I can get you your body back.”

Her body stolen, her soul pushed into a world of magic and monsters, Sweet-pea's best chance of survival is to stick with Alan and his promise of protection.
Hounded by the threat of bounty hunters, wanted by the mysterious Tin Master and chased by monsters attracted to her, getting home soon takes second place to staying alive.

My Take:

Gambling for dollars is one thing. But gambling for days is something else. Charlie is dying of cancer. He only has months to live. But he hears of a raven-haired girl that will play poker with you, gambling for your remaining time. If you win, you leave with more time. If you lose, you... lose time. With little to lose, he plays poker with Sweet-pea, who relates during the game the incredible tale of why she is gambling Years of Life with the dying.

With her body stolen by a monster, and her soul pushed into another parallel realm with monsters and magic, Sweet-pea's survival depends on the protection of others stuck in this horrific realm with her. Hunted by bounty hunters, monsters and the mysterious Tin Master,  Sweet-pea finds that while attempting to regain her life, she may lose her soul.

Content:

Drug Content:

PG - Sweet-pea is given a bottle of pills to help her cope with the shock of losing her body, pills she quickly becomes addicted to.

Violence:

R - There's a good deal of violence and death, blood and gore. A torture chamber provides a horrific gory backdrop for one of the scenes. A hand is cut off, a throat is slit.

Language:

PG - There are a few cuss words, nothing serious.

Adult Content:

G - there's really no sexual content, though some obviously happened once off-screen.

Christian content:

Nada. There are some concerning concepts in this work, mainly that souls aren't eternal and can be used for food, that Time can be gambled away, or gained through a game of chance. There are some references to an afterlife. Heaven and Hell are referred to as real places, in other dimensions, but monsters can capture your soul during the 'tunnel experience' while heading to the bright light at the end of the tunnel. Loyalty, self-sacrifice, destiny and friendship play large parts in this tale. There is a definite struggle between good and evil here, but the lines are grayed.

Final analysis:

This book has an incredible concept - that between life and death there is a dimension the soul must travel through, and those souls can be stolen. That the body can be stolen, and the soul released to wander rather than move on to heaven or hell. The plot behind this story is gripping, the world-building phenomenal, and the action fast and furious. New life, Old life, are gathered like glowing marbles. Strange creatures like Griwald and Deadly Mimics threaten constantly, along with Tin Men and other horrific creatures. Magic amulets and spells are formulated and used to gain access to further dimensions, while time passes at alarming rates. Characters are often larger than life. However, the pacing dragged for me. It seemed to take an eternity for me to plow through some sections, while other sections moved so quickly I had to reread to catch important details. So, a great read, but some pacing issues. Four Stars!

About the Author:
J. Cassidy's website reads,

I’m J. Cassidy and I used to be an oak tree growing in a park in England. I still like to be decorated once a year.

Pink, sparkly fluffles and rainbows make everything better.

Her website is https://6twistedbiscuits.wordpress.com/j-cassidy/

She can be followed on Twitter: https://twitter.com/6twistedbiscuit

Review: Imprint Legacy by Dorian Keys

Imprint Legacy

by 

Dorian Keys

Detective Robert Miers is in trouble. His partner is missing, he’s suspended from work, and he’s got a gap in his memory that he can’t explain. Uncovering the truth means plunging into a bizarre new reality far beyond his comfort zone, an inescapable reality where memories can transfer from body to body, secret factions fight for control, and human life extends far beyond Earth. Is taking sides worth the risk-to his job, to his family, and to himself?
And does he even get to choose anymore?

My Take:

When Detective Robert Miers and his partner follow the clues left by the stiff they found in the old apartment, it quickly leads them to their own deaths. But Robert wakes up to find he's not dead, just confused, with a gap in his memory and a missing partner. After being suspended pending an internal investigation, Robert follows clues on his own regarding the mysterious men in black, clues that cause him to question whether his entire life has been a lie. 

Content:

Drug Content:

G - None.

Violence:

PG - There's violence and death, a gun battle and ray guns. There is no real gore. Some people die in a fire off-screen.

Language:

PG - The D-word is used once, and g-d is used a couple times.

Adult Content:

G - there's really no sexual content of any sort in this work.

Christian content:

Not really any. I wouldn't have any issue handing this to my kids to read, as they are all into their teens or beyond. There are questions raised in this book that make for some good talking points - ideas about loyalty, life and death, and our purpose in life. 

Final analysis:

This short novella is a whirlwind of twists and turns, a high-stakes action-packed scifi mystery. Fast-paced and immersive, the focus is more on action and plot than deep descriptive passages, which makes for a quick read with an interesting end. Five stars!

About the Author:
One day, a while back, Dorian handed his father a handwritten story. Five sentences telling of an unknown object landing on the backyard. He was seven.

At the time, he was praised for it, he thought nothing of it: everyone can do what i do. And everyone can.

Years later, Dorian self published his debut novel Imprint Legacy on Amazon. It was well received. Earning a four star rating from Literary Titan. Next year he self published a short story collection, and has a world of stories to tell.

Presently, Dorian lives in busy New York City together with his family. He writes every chance he gets carrying his laptop everywhere. Occasionally he shows up on Twitter, but the best way of contacting is on this website.

P.S: Unbeknownst to Dorian, his father laminated that original story and kept it with him. He yet has to see it again.