Zombie! Haunted Mansion: Memoir of Jesse Jamieson

Stranded in the middle of nowhere, an unlikely group of high school friends embark on a series of adventures and mishaps to survive a remote zombie outbreak. With bloodthirsty ghouls trailing close behind, Jesse and his friends stumble upon an eerie mansion offering refuge from the zombie infested woods. But the residents of Krakuz Manor may be hiding a sinister secret more dangerous than the undead threat outside, or they might just be complete lunatics. Either way, Jesse and his friends must prepare for the impending zombie horde if they hope to survive their trip to hell. With no communication to the outside world for help, can a mismatched group of teenagers defend Krakus Manor against the undead, or will they fall victim to a living dead nightmare?

My Take:

Jesse's Prom date could not have gone worse. Literally. The girl of his dreams, Chloe, was asked to the prom by his best friend Bud, because he'd waited until the last possible second to ask her, for, you know, suspense. With poster and flowers in hand he ends up trapped asking the captain of the cheer squad to the prom. Someone who could not be less compatible. Then they all packed into Bud's truck with his friend Emu and his date Lexi, to head to Crystal Lake... er, Clearlake. Cheerleaders and Football jocks with the school nerd, all headed to a lake getaway after the prom. What could go wrong? Vhen you Vander in the Voods...

Jesse's date Becky manages to wreck the truck trying to play her vampire tunes, and they quickly run afoul of Zombies wandering in the woods too. They manage to find refuge from the rapidly growing crowd of zombies, in a mysterious old mansion hidden in the darkest part of the forest. But will the creepy inmates in the haunted mansion be any safer than the zombies milling around outside?.

Content:

Drug Content:

PG - There are a few references to crack. High school kids run off to the lake with a case of vodka. But it doesn't end up getting drunk, but being used for weapons.

Violence:

R - Oh wow. Head shots, eye-socket impalings, rampant wanton gunning down of poor defenseless zombies. Slaughtering them with bayonets and butter knives. There seems to be an endless supply of zombies to kill, and an endless supply of weapons to kill them with, from Russian Assault rifles and cannons filled with grapeshot to buckets of poo. One friend ends up with his hands cut off and other unfortunate things happening to him, from one mutilation to the next. Many of these are described in significant detail.

Language:

PG - There are a few cuss words, nothing serious. God's name is taken in vain um... many times, especially if you count the preponderance of 'oh my god' references throughout.

Adult Content:

PG-13 - There's actually not a bit of sexual content in this book, just a few kisses, no petting. But there are many titillating innuendos and a man's 'parts' are kept in a jar on the mantle, with a discussion about why they are there and not on, ahem, him.

Christian content:

Hmmm. One character refers repeatedly to Black Jesus. Several times the characters pray, as their situation gets more and more serious. One might consider that friendship plays a large part of this hilarious romp, but when the chips are down it seems to practically be every couple for themselves. A few times there is self-sacrifice, but if you enter this book for a moral lesson you likely won't get one, that's obviously not its purpose. There's about ten times people thank God for escaping, or some other minor miracle. One chapter references a priest with a taste for boys.

Final analysis:

I gotta admit, I started this book with some high hopes. The basic plot has been overused, one of high school prom kids out to get slaughtered by some Freddy Kreuger or Jason Voorhees. But these often are not laced in wit and humor, so I figured I was in for a treat.

The book is entirely written from Jesse's point of view, and the only content is conversation, onomatopoeia, and internal monologue in the main character's head. While this deep dive into first-person perspective is interesting in a short work, and can quickly put you into the quirky brain of an adolescent male, it becomes extremely frustrating trying to figure out what is going on without any description of action or surroundings. And repetitive uses of the Whack and Bang, Snap and Crackle, and pop, pop, pop, pop... you get the idea. It grew on me... like a rash where you couldn't reach.

So, here's my final word on it - this is a hilarious romp, a somewhat light-hearted if graphically gory humorous story; the characters are interesting and somewhat believable, the plot is sound, the action fast paced and the dialogue entertaining, the slapstick humor hilarious and the interactions interesting. However, the world-building was completely absent, the action confusing, the onomatopoeia extremely wearing and the pacing just dragged in the middle, and raced at the end. I found the gore to be a bit over the top, and would place the book based on that and the innuendos securely into the YA category. I'd like to give this Three and a Half Stars, but my scoring system is in whole numbers, so I'll round up. Four Stars.

About the Author:

Zombies! Looking for a zombie story with zombies and humor? Check out Zombie! Haunted Mansion and Zombie! Origins. Brought to you by Zombie Origin Media, a joint authorship of three idiot siblings writing complete and udder nonsense.

Follow Zombie Origin Media on:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ZomOriginMedia
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zombieoriginmedia/?hl=en
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Zombie-Origin-Media-1720801831583328/